So earlier this week I read a very short book called The Knight in Rusty Armor, By Robert Fisher. Now I am one who enjoys tales of bravery and heroism, princesses and fighting dragons… this book had all of this and a message about the meaning of life!
Basically this good knight, who thought he was the you know what, would wear his armor at all times until one day he realized that he could not take it off. He alienated his beautiful, clever and kind wife, Juliet, and his young son did not know who he was anymore. He talked all day about his glorious conquests and then shut his visor when his family was talking. He shut everyone out but didn’t even realize because he though he was being good, and saving maidens, and fighting battles, and that everyone loved him. They admired him of course, but is having the admiration of others the same as love?
This knight became trapped in his armor for the same reason that many of us get trapped in our metaphorical armor…. fear and doubt. And the problem with that armor is that it is so hard to love others and feel their love from within it. But as one of my favorite lines from the book goes: “When the armor is gone from you, you will feel the pain of others too”. He spent his life in that suit that he could not feel pain, not his own, not that of his family, not anyone’s. Without armor, yes we will feel pain, but we will also feel their love, and are able to know them better. The knight realized that he knew himself very little and loved himself less. That is why he constantly had to go on these epics to prove himself. He needed the affirmation of others because he did not have it from within. A lifetime of insecurities and self-doubt had blinded him to the truth of who he was.
The story does not downplay how long it takes to get out of this armor… many of us spend years within it and taking it off so quickly might make us feel so vulnerable that we quickly retreat under an even thicker layer. Each of us must take that journey on our own time. The knight at one point was exhausted and discouraged and wanted to return to Juliet “in the worst way”, but he was told that if he quit then that would be exactly the way he would return to her. No, we need to take our time…
I used to hide within an armor of my own, I had so many insecurities and I did not think that people would like me if I wasn’t more “perfect”… I felt a little weird and out of place, in fact I kind of still do sometimes but that is okay with me now. I really like who I am. Sure sometimes (like everyday) I still have my doubts but I just have to remind myself that they are just in my head and tell myself all the reasons that I shouldn’t dwell on those thoughts. It is one of my many daily struggles. Sometimes the imaginary flames burn me as I try to overcome the negative thoughts, other times I just breeze by because I am so sure of who I am that I can spot a lie even if it is only in my head… but it is a journey.
Don’t delay starting this journey. We do not have the luxury of being in a book where we can isolate ourselves in the woods to find ourselves. Our journey will take place in the midst of our daily lives, that means that we need to take time out for self reflection, it also means that the people that we may be shutting out with our armor are all around us so we need to start being more mindful of them. Lastly don’t lose hope! Don’t let negative people have a say in your life. Find a way to protect yourself without loosing yourself. Let their voice be like that of your thoughts and ignore it. Fight back, affirm yourself! Your worth comes from inside and no one can take that away from you!
Ps: Here is a link to a PDF version of the book. Just in case you’re curious!
Crowns and Crosses 